Peticure

I desperately want to get a new couch, but can’t bare the thought of Oscar scratching it to bits. Yes, he has a scratching post. Yes, I should’ve been a lot tougher on him when he was a kitten. Anyway… I started taking him to the vet to have his nails clipped. It had reached the stage when it wasn’t just my furniture that was bearing the brunt of his sharp claws, but my arms and legs too. You could actually scratch on the words dried blood.

My vet showed me how to clip his nails myself and he’s quite good at sitting still for me while I do it. (Of course, I have him in a crossface, chickenwing hold while I’m clipping, duh.) The little bastard has got clever. As the nail clippers start to close in on the extended claw, he lets out a helpless little meow. Which, of course, makes me think I’m hurting him, and stop what I’m doing. But I’ve wised up, and it doesn’t work any more.

I decided to check “clipping cat’s claws” on Google just to make sure that I was doing it right, aka how far down could I cut without hurting the little tyke (the more I can cut off, the less often I have to do it, natch). Just when I thought I'd seen everything... I stumbled upon Soft Paws:

Image by robbie.

WTF??? I’m all for pet grooming. There was a time when I thought that red ribbons behind poodles’ ears were kinda cute. I was six. But coloured tips for you cat’s nails? What kind of lunacy is that? Those of you who grew up in SA in the 80s – I’m having Knersis flash backs. (He had looooong red talons. Fantastic and evil!)

Not only can you choose from a range of colours; blue, pink, yellow, green, colour combos; white/purple, yellow/green, red/green (on each tip), you can also choose from a range of “exclusive” palettes like: the Mother’s Day combo or the sprightly Spring combo. And if you’re feeling patriotic the Red, White and Blue combo – did I have to say this was an American product? Seriously?

From the testimonials page (with pictures!):

- Suzette claims, "our Milo doesn’t mind them at all." Like Milo had a choice.
- Larry shares, "Bought the hot pink, goes well with her color, she's a blue cream point." Hot pink Larry? Wait a minute... LARRY?
- Tara and Eric, "I have attached a picture of one of my cats, Oreo, with her SoftPaws on. She is practically smiling!" I'm willing to put money on Tara being the brains behind Oreo's latest look and Eric just going along with it. I'm also willing to put money on Oreo smiling as he hatches his latest retaliation plot.

I’m okay with becoming a spinster, cat lady in my middle-to-old age but if I ever resort to this kind of insanity and decide Oscar would look good with Orange claws you know what to do kids.

Hang on a minute; he’s a ginger, so maybe Orange claws would look cute.
Awesome!
I'm. Kidding.