Language is…

Dynamic and changing. I understand this. Language evolves, over time, which is why we say knight with a silent ‘K’ and no reference to the ‘GH’ rather than the Chaucerian way… hard ‘K’, ‘n’ and ‘i’ and then, mustering up as much phlegm and spit as possible, into gggggggggggh and a sharp ‘t’. I wonder, did those folks mind wiping the spittle off their brow and cheeks? Or is it just me that can’t control my oral fluids when I talk? Hmmm.

But having said that… there’s something that really irritates me. When people abbreviate words, in an attempt to sound cool, with it, down with the lingo. SHUT UP because you really just sound like pretentious wankers. Here’s a short glossary, I’m sure there are many, many examples of these – I just can’t think of any right now:

Cab Sav: Cabernet Sauvignon
Lab: Labrador
Mare: Nightmare
RomCom: Romantic Comedy

A friend of mine uses another, that I’ve never heard before. I’m praying that she’s coined it, and more importantly, that it won’t catch on. And whenever she uses it, I’m almost reduced to violence – shaking and slapping it out of her: Cons. Cons? You ask… Yes, Cons! I say – and we’re not talking about those brutish men living out the rest of their days behind bars. We’re talking about a popular brand of takkie (trainer?): Converse.

Now I’ve been wearing Converse since 1994. Every year, since then, I’ve had a blue or a red pair. Most recently, I splashed out and bought a pair of blue high-tops and red no-tops(?). I’m not just a fan, I’m a convert. (No pun intended.) So, I do feel, since I’ve lived in the brand for 14 years, and my friend has just bought her first ever pair – I’ve a right to express my horror and dismay when out of the blue, people starting calling them CONS. Aaaaack! Say it isn’t so! (Strangely enough, I called my Docs, Docs, and have never had a problem with that! Although in my defense, Doc has been an abbreviation for Dr. for decades, possibly longer, and that could be why.) But Cons? It makes me want to run and hide. It grates my sensitive ear. And then there’s the violent streak.

So my plea is… help me squash the CON drive forever.

Or we’ll all be doomed to listen to:

So I went to walk my lab on the beach, I took off my cons to feel the sand between my toes. I was looking forward to a RomCom and wine at home when I realized that I’d run out of cab sav and the bottle stores were close! What a mare!

Excuse me while I vom(it).